Practice Peacemaking - Not Just Peacekeeping

Ever notice how easy it is to keep the peace… and how much harder it is to actually make it?

Peacekeeping often avoids tension so everything stays calm on the surface. Peacemaking, on the other hand, chooses honesty, clarity, and care so real peace can grow underneath.

Because sometimes the most heroic thing you can do… is address what others would rather avoid.

If you'd like to go deeper into this month’s topic, you can also find the companion workbook in my shop.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome to Living a Simple Life with a Back Porch V. Thanks for stopping by. Grab a class literally and join me for conversations about living a simple life. Go ahead. Get comfortable and settle in for a good visit. It's time to relax and enjoy.

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I can feel summer coming on out there. So let's take advantage of the cool morning and have a good visit while we can. Go ahead, grab a glass of lemonade, pull up a rocker, and settle in. For those of you who are just joining us on the porch, I'm Julie. This podcast is just one piece of what I do. I'm also a blogger and a writer of both the nonfiction simple life series as well as Southern Suspense Fiction. If you'd like to learn more about any of that, you just you can find the links to my website and books in the show notes. Now this year we're working on how to become someone's hero through the lens of a simple life. Each month I create a companion workbook that helps you take these porch conversations and live them out in your own home and community. You'll find the link to these notebooks in the show notes as well. Now that we've gotten all that out of the way, let's dig in. This month we've been talking about the hero who brings peace. And to wrap up the month, we're going to talk about two words with different personalities: peacekeeping and peacemaking. Just to clarify, there is a big difference between keeping the peace and actually making peace, even though we often use those phrases as if they mean the same thing. They don't. Peacekeeping is what happens when we decide that the absence of conflict is the goal, no matter what the costs. It's the kind of peace that tiptoes around issues, swallows words, and smiles politely when tension simmers underneath. It keeps everything looking calm on the surface, but it doesn't do much for what's happening underneath. Peacemaking, on the other hand, is something else entirely. It's not loud or more dramatic, but it is braver. Peacemaking isn't about avoiding discomfort, it's about addressing it with clarity and care instead of pretending it doesn't exist. Most of us were trained in one way or another to be peacekeepers. We learned early on that things went more smoothly when we didn't rock the boat, didn't ask hard questions, didn't bring up uncomfortable topics at inconvenient times, which coincidentally always seemed to be all times. Keeping the peace often felt like the responsible thing to do, the mature thing, the loving thing. And sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it's just avoidance dressed up as virtue. Peacekeeping keeps things quiet. Peacemaking makes things whole. And those are not the same outcome. Peacekeeping is choosing silence because you're afraid of what speaking up might disrupt. Peacemaking is choosing honesty because you care about what silence will cost. One is about maintaining comfort, the other is about restoring connection. That distinction matters, especially if you're trying to be someone who brings peace into the world rather than just someone who keeps everything from falling apart for one more afternoon. Peacekeeping tends to show up when we're tired of conflict and desperate for relief. We say yes when we mean no. We let comments slide that shouldn't. We walk away from conversations thinking, well, at least that didn't blow up. Even though something inside us tightened a notch. Over time, that kind of peacekeeping adds weight. It stacks, it turns into resentment, emotional distance, or a vague sense that something is off, but you can't quite name it anymore. The peace looks intact, but it's brittle. Peacemaking doesn't rush toward relief, it's slower, more intentional, and yes, sometimes a little uncomfortable. Peacemaking asks better questions, it notices patterns, it chooses the harder conversation now instead of the harder fallout later. And here's the part that will make people nervous. Peacemaking does not guarantee that everyone will like you. Peacekeeping often tries to preserve approval. Peacemaking prioritizes integrity. That doesn't mean peacemaking is harsh or confrontational. In fact, real peacemaking is almost always quieter than people expect. It doesn't storm in with accusations or ultimatums, it doesn't perform righteousness. It shows up steady, thoughtful, and clear. A peacemaker doesn't escalate, but they also don't disappear. There's a subtle confidence in peacemaking that says, I care enough about this relationship and myself to address what's actually happening. That confidence doesn't demand a particular outcome. It simply refuses to pretend that unspoken tension is neutral. One of the reasons peacemaking gets confused with troublemaking is because it interrupts patterns. People get used to the version of you who absorbs, adapts, smooth things over, and quietly carries the weight. When you shift towards peacemaking, it can feel unsettling to those who benefited from you keeping everything comfortable. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means you're doing something different. Peacemaking also requires discernment. Not every issue needs to be addressed immediately, publicly, or even at all. This isn't about saying everything you think the moment you think it. That's not peacemaking. That's just unloading. Peacemaking is thoughtful. It considers timing, tone, and intent. It asks whether speaking now will move things forward towards understanding or simply release pressure in the moment. It's less about saying more and it's less about saying more, and it's more about saying what matters when it matters. Sometimes peacemaking looks like initiating a conversation that's been avoided too long. Sometimes it looks like gently naming a pattern without assigning blame. Sometimes it looks like acknowledging harm without demanding immediate resolution. Now sometimes, and this is important, peacemaking looks like letting go. Not everything needs to be fixed through dialogue. Some peace is made by releasing expectations, redefining boundaries, or accepting that the relationship will change shape. Peacemaking isn't always about repair. Sometimes it's about right sizing. Another thing worth saying out loud is that peacemaking takes patience. It doesn't offer the quick satisfaction that peacekeeping does. There's no immediate quiet, no instant relief. Often there's a stretch of awkwardness where things feel uncertain. And that's normal. Real peace has a settling period. We don't talk about that enough. We talk about resolution as if it's a single moment instead of a process. But peacemaking unfolds. It gives people space to adjust, to reflect, to respond instead of react. And because of that, peacemakers need steadiness. They need to be comfortable with pauses, unanswered questions, and conversations that don't wrap up neatly. They don't rush reconciliation just to feel better. They trust that clarity, handled well, will bear fruit in time. This also means peacemaking begins internally, long before it ever becomes a conversation with someone else. If you're carrying unresolved frustration, fear, or the need to be right, that will shape how you approach conflict, whether you realize it or not. Peacemaking asks you to examine your own motives first. Are you seeking understanding or are you seeking validation? Are you hoping for connection or control? Are you willing to hear something you don't want to hear in return? Those questions aren't meant to discourage you. They're meant to ground you because peacemaking isn't a performance. It's not about checking a box that says, I did the hard thing. It's about aligning your actions with your values, even when that alignment costs you comfort. One of the quiet gifts of peacemaking is that it tends to lower the temperature over time, even if it raises it briefly at first. When people realize they can speak honestly with you and not be attacked, dismissed, or steamrolled, trust builds. Conversations deepen. Conflict becomes less explosive because it's no longer being stored up. That's how peace becomes sustainable. Peacekeeping depends on everyone cooperating. Peacemaking builds resilience even when they don't. And here's the encouraging part: you don't have to be naturally bold to be a peacemaker. You don't have to enjoy confrontation. You don't have to get it right every time. You just have to be willing to choose truth with care instead of silence with strain. You will misstep. You'll say awkward thing, you'll say things awkwardly. You'll think of better phrasing two hours later. And that's part of it. Peacemaking isn't polished, it's practiced. As we wrap this month around the idea of becoming someone's hero, it helps to remember that heroes don't always calm situations by smoothing them over. Sometimes they bring peace by dressing what others avoid, by speaking with clarity instead of urgency, and by trusting that real peace is worth the discomfort it takes to build it. Peacekeeping preserves appearances. Peacemaking builds foundations. And in a world that desperately wants things to stay comfortable at all costs, someone willing to do the steady, thoughtful work of peacemaking, that's not just peaceful, that's brave. Thank you for joining me today.

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And don't forget, be sure to check out the other links where you can find my books, websites, and this month's eWorkbook. Thanks again for stopping in. I'll see you next Monday on Living a Simple Life with the Back Porch View. And while you're waiting for the next episode, grab that glass of refreshment, pull up a rocker, and sit back for a while. It's time to relax and enjoy.