Sanding Against the Grain

When you sand a piece of wood, you are taught to ‘sand with the grain’. If you sand across the grain, the grit of the sandpaper will leave grooves– like scratches or small cuts that are obvious in the finished project. When you sand ‘with the grain’, those scratches are less obvious, as they blend in with the natural grain of the wood. 

But sometimes in life, we should be actually sanding ‘against’ the grain in order to produce a beautiful and unique life. Listen in to learn more about the benefits of sanding ‘against the grain’ in your own simple life!

Understanding Wood Grain Patterns: Types, Examples & Terms (duffieldtimber.com)

Transcript

When I was growing up, my dad loved to work with wood. He built toys for a small, independent toy shop, furniture, and many other things. His work was beautiful, with a fine eye for detail. I would often wander out to his shop and ask if I could help. He would hand me a piece of wood and sandpaper. When he first taught me about sanding, he repeatedly told me to sand ‘with the grain’. 

It took me a while, and a few mistakes, but I finally figured out that when you sand across the grain, the grit of the sandpaper will leave grooves– like scratches or small cuts that are obvious in the finished project. When you sand ‘with the grain’, those scratches are less obvious, as they blend in with the natural grain of the wood. 

To get a rough piece of wood as smooth as possible, you start with a heavier grit paper to knock down the roughest areas. You then progressively use finer grit until the wood becomes as smooth as glass, almost. Once the sanding is done, the wood can be finished with stain, lacquer or a clear coat.

I often think about those hours spent with my dad in his workshop. Even today, when I’m sanding a piece of wood, I can feel my dad looking over my shoulder, and hear him whisper, ‘go with the grain’. 

And as I carefully sand, my mind also drifts to my choices in life. I can look back and almost see the moment I went against all advice and started sanding my life against the grain. Instead of taking the route that family and society said I should take, I made my own path. 

From the cradle, parents often whisper to their children that they are destined for ‘great things’. As we grow up and our personalities develop, people begin to say things like, ‘look at how they love animals – he’s going to be a vet when he grows up’. Or a teacher reads a well-written essay and thinks, “she needs to be a teacher”. In some cases, our destiny has been set for us even before we are born. A grandfather, father, mother, uncle, and cousins are all doctors, so we are required to follow in their footsteps. I mean, this is a family tradition, right? 

Have you ever noticed that when they watch a child draw a picture with crayons, learn how to sew, make a vase out of clay, they never say, ‘Oh! He or she is going to be an artist!’ Why? Because it’s very difficult to make a steady, reliable, and productive income from art. 

As a child, I loved sewing, baking, and growing plants (remember that bean seed in elementary school?), but if anyone thought about me becoming a homemaker, it was in conjunction with a full-time job. After all, it’s just what you do – you work an 8 to 5 job, then come home and clean house. Right?

Even at an early age, I wrote. There were stories, pen pal letters, and I even attempted writing newsletters for the neighborhood. Rather than simply make a list of things I wanted from Santa, my Christmas lists were turned into stories. 

Today? I sanded so deeply against the grain of the expectations of my family, I now have a small farm, complete with cattle, chickens, and a garden. I’m a farmer, homemaker, writer, and love engaging in handmade crafts of all kinds. I didn’t just walk away from the expectations and dreams of my dad, I packed a bag, ran away, and covered my tracks so I couldn’t be hauled back – figuratively speaking, of course.

Even when I expressed a desire to get a degree in Home Economics, my dad felt I needed a career with an ‘ology’ on the end. This was the result of the scores on my college entry exams. I scored very high in English and Science. I loved reading, writing, and literature, even at an early age. But science? Nope. Not in this lifetime. 

There wasn’t one single ‘ology’ that held my interest long enough to make a living at it. I would have died of boredom. Instead, I majored in Fine Arts, which I quickly found out wasn’t what I was good at, either. The majority of the courses were drawing and graphic arts – both of which I am terrible at. I aced color and art history, but I drastically failed drawing a person. In fact, I did so badly that even a stick figure had a closer resemblance to the model than my attempt. 

My dad really wanted me to follow what he thought my ‘talents’ were based on my test scores. He overlooked my real talents, because ‘they didn’t offer enough security’. 

In his way of thinking, and to some degree, I understand what he was saying. I needed some type of profession that would allow me enough income to pay the bills, save for the future, and provide for my someday family. He wanted me to have stability, a firm foundation, and at some point, a retirement account that could support me in my later years. 

I get it. I really, really, do. What he wanted for me was important – a necessity even. Whether we like it or not, it takes money to live. How much money we earn determines the level of lifestyle and security we have. 

So many of us try to follow the rules others have set before us. We’re convinced the only way we’ll be happy in life is to have a profession that guarantees us a suitable income. We try to live up to the expectations of family, and our peers. 

But in so many cases, even though we may have chosen what everyone else believed was the ‘right path’, we still felt like that square peg in a round hole. No matter how well we sanded that round space, we never fit comfortably.

I’m the type of person who will work and work to make something fit. But at some point, I’m realistic enough to know that there comes a point where nothing you do will make it work. I’ve started and walked away from enough ideas and projects around here to prove my point – even if all I’m doing is proving it to myself. It took me years to gather all the courage I could muster to make the decision to sand my life in a way that went against the grain of expectations. I chose to live a Simple Life. 

Even in the age of ‘do what feels right’, we still fear the repercussions of the grooves we will cut in the wood by going against the grain. We fear losing respect, status, and acceptance if we follow someone else’s plans for our lives. Can we earn enough money? Will we be able to support our family? Am I going to be ostracized by family, friends, and society? 

I’m going to tell you something – yes. You might be. But it isn’t that your dreams and passions aren’t good enough or acceptable enough. The issue here is those that turn their noses up at your choices are reacting to their own fears. Deep down, they are probably a bit envious you had the courage to stand up for who you are. One of the hardest things in life is to step back, take a good, hard look at your choices, and accept that not all of them were the right thing to do, especially when it comes to discarding your dreams in order to fulfill someone else’s expectations. It’s extremely painful to go ‘against the grain’ of who you are, and who you want to be when you grow up. 

Yes. In order to follow your dreams, you may have to sand against the grain. You may have to put in more time and effort to start earning an income. And yes – you may give up creature comforts, conveniences, and possibly even the initial ‘respect’ from your friends and family. But eventually, the sandpaper will shift, and you’ll discover what you are actually doing is sanding ‘with the grain’.

I know. I’ve lived it. And now I place my life in two categories ‘Existence’ and ‘Living’. I can now look back and see where, prior to moving to the farm, I did what was expected of me. I didn’t get my college degree, but I did have a job, took care of my family, and minded my manners and social graces. And I really did enjoy my life, loved my family, and was good at my jobs. In other words, I was only existing. 

But what I didn’t do was truly, deeply, and completely love that life. Now, I’m living, and fully immersed in who I am. And I’m sanding my days with the grain, rather than against it. No. The grain in the wood of my life doesn’t match the grain other people think it should. Instead, it is unique. This quote from Duffield Timber really says it all:

“Because of the way in which wood grows, each piece of timber has its own unique grain pattern. No two are the same! With over 60,000 types of tree in the world, there are an incredible array of different grains, figures and textures.”

If you want to read more about wood grains, the types, textures, patterns and terminology, I’ll add the link to this quote in the show notes. And if one of your passions is working with wood, this is a post you should really read. In fact, now that I have, I want to go out to the shop to work on a project just so I can follow and better understand what they are talking about! If you don’t enjoy woodworking, it’s still a great post, as it can apply to many different aspects of life.

However, Duffield Timber may be talking about trees and wood, but they could just as easily have been talking about us. No two people are the same – even if they are twins. Each person has their own unique ‘grain pattern’. We think differently, we reason differently, we have different likes, dislikes, and quirks. And it is all these things that work together to make us beautiful people. 

And here’s another thought. It may be cliché, but one thing we’ve often heard is, “If it is, it already was and will be again’. I’ve been reading, watching, and listening to people since I began living my Simple Life. At first, it was a lifestyle that was considered lazy, or even ’hippy’. Then it became ‘cute’ or considered ‘old-fashioned’. And then the cost of living began to increase, and paychecks stayed the same. Gas prices were through the roof, and insurance and medical care were expensive. Many people began seeing the wisdom in living a simple life - one where you lived quietly, learned how to grow your own food, knew how to spend wisely, and even were able to keep a chicken or two. 

And then the pandemic hit. In addition to rising prices, many people lost their jobs, struggled to make ends meet, and food and supply shortages were the norm. At that point, living a simple life went beyond wisdom and straight to a necessity. And since society is finally seeing it as more than an acceptable way of life, it’s become almost a fad. 

But for those of us who live a simple life, we know it isn’t a fad. It is a way of life we have chosen. If society ever swings back to a fast-paced, materialistic mentality, we won’t fall back into that trap. We’ve gotten a taste of living a simple life and realize it’s a meal we want to put on the table every day. 

 We have found the comfort, peace of mind, and contentment we’ve been searching for all of our lives. And the rewards have been immense. We have more time with our families. We have slowly but surely brought our dreams to life, focused and developed our passions, and no longer feel the pressure of an overloaded calendar. Our vision has cleared, and we are now able to see what is most important to us. We’ve worked hard and diligently to get where we are and look forward to the future when we have reached our goals to gain self-sufficiency through a slow paced and simple life. 

And we find that we haven’t been sanding against the grain after all. Instead, all of the sanding we’ve done has created a life that is smooth, shiny, and beautiful to work with. We find that what we have done is created a life we can truly enjoy, and one that will add beauty and encouragement to others. 

I’m not making a six-figure income. My job isn’t set to 8 hours a day. Instead, I am constantly finding new ways to sand against the grain. And in doing so, I am happy, content, and have created a simple life that fits me perfectly.

Are you living a simple life? If not, maybe it’s time to get a piece of board and some sandpaper out. You might just be amazed at what a beautiful work of art you could be creating. 

If you want to learn more about living a Simple Life, just visit my website at www.thefarmwife.com/ . If you’re enjoying listening to these podcasts, please consider supporting the show by clicking the SUPPORT button in the show notes. When you do, you’ll be helping me continue bringing you fun and helpful ideas for living the Simple Life you love!

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Thanks again for stopping in. I will see you next week on Living a Simple Life with a Back Porch View. And while you are waiting for the next episode, grab that glass of refreshment, pull up a rocker, and sit back for a while. It’s time to relax and enjoy.

Understanding Wood Grain Patterns: Types, Examples & Terms (duffieldtimber.com)